Confessions

I have recently been in a conversation with a coworker that has me thinking.  I will post about the actual conversation piece over at RottinApologist, but I reflect on myself here.

I don't really know the true end result of this two day conversation.  Suffice to say, this coworker, we'll call him "Chip", was baptized Catholic and lapsed over time, eventually being rebaptized LDS (but is currently not practicing).  The conversation started when I said I was going to begin my reading.  He asked if I had any entertainment software on my computer and I said "No, but that is okay, because for so many years, I've fallen behind on my reading."  Then he wondered what my book was...I tried to give him a brief summary of how Eamon Duffy's Stripping of the Altars was a look at Catholicism in England prior to the Reformation.  "Chip" wondered what I meant by Reformation, and by trying to explain that, I needed to explain a great deal about Catholicism. When "Chip" left today, he was interested in finding a priest, making a good confession, and getting confirmed. 

I looked back on some past email, and I stumbled upon a correspondence with my father.  I reflected on my tone and my attitude in that correspondence with the tone and attitude that was exhibited these past two days.  I also reflected on my tone since embarking on my seeming obsession with learning more and more about the Catholic Faith.  Since I stumbled on apologetics, and began learning more and more, I have had a passion to teach people what I have learned.  Sometimes this "teaching" simply restating it to my wife...who while interested at first, conveniently would "forget to listen".  Often I would find myself arrogantly starting arguments...knowing that I had answers (or better yet questions that revealed inconsistent answers).  I was hoping that my "teaching" would plant seeds that would sprout interest, which would germinate into conversion.

I was mostly foolish, boorish, and arrogant.  I see that now, because when "Chip" and I started this conversation, I wasn't out to prove anything or convert anyone...I was simply carrying out an act of spiritual mercy: informing the ignorant.  I was trying to explain the Catholic Church with passion, with fervor, yet with compassion and not being pushy about it.  It wasn't about me, it was about "Chip".  He needed to learn, he needed to know this.  Somehow, I knew that.  Heck, I even bit my tongue when I could easily have butted in and skewered his poorly formed personal theologies...something I had done to people in the past...all because it was about him seeing the Truth, not me being right.

As a result of this two-day long discussion, I would like to state that I know full well that I can be boorish, pushy, persistant, arrogant, and inconsiderate.  While I have always been that way, so much so that people have said I inherited those traits, I must apologize to all whom I have done this to.  It is uncharitable and arrogant of me to do this.  It is also a poor reflection upon God's Holy Church.  I am truly sorry for those moments.